


if I go crazy (then will you still call me Superman?)

by shrdmdnssftw



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, M/M, Superheroes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-02
Updated: 2012-09-02
Packaged: 2017-11-13 09:31:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/502023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrdmdnssftw/pseuds/shrdmdnssftw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally posted on July 26 for the Liam/Louis ficathon prompt: <a href="http://intherubble.livejournal.com/6836.html?thread=86452#t86452"><i>Liam is a superhero, Louis is a charming, rakish supervillain.</i></a></p>
            </blockquote>





	if I go crazy (then will you still call me Superman?)

**Author's Note:**

> Still archiving old fic. Excuse the ridiculous title, I think we've established that I'm terrible at naming fics.

"You can't  _honestly_  be that upset about it, Harry."   
  
Louis watches as his sidekick paces the room and wrings his hands together.   
  
"Not be that upset!" Harry's voice is verging on hysterical. "You almost got yourself bloody caught by Liam Payne.  _Again._ "   
  
Louis flops onto the bed that he's been sitting on, lies on his back and stares at the ceiling where they've pasted the city street plans and marked out strategic places to rob.   
  
"To be fair, I was rather distracted at the time," says Louis. "And my mask was falling off, so I had to stop. There's no point being a supervillain if you can't pull off the whole domino mask and cape shtick."   
  
Harry scoffs. "You are not blaming this one on his arse, okay. No matter how good you think it looks.   
  
We've got to get you a whole new wardrobe now anyway, since you managed to  _lose your cape_  when they caught up to us."   
  
Louis groans. When Harry first designed their  ~~costumes~~  outfits, Louis had used his only veto to get rid of the purple monstrosities. Of course, now that they've managed to lose (yet again) to Liam Payne and his Merry Band of Do-gooders ( TM SYCO Heroes)  _and_  ruin their outfits in the process, Harry will take pleasure in dressing Louis in the worst clothes possible. But then again, what else are sidekicks for?   
  
-   
  
When Liam enters his home office, Zayn swivels around in the leather chair, fingers steepled and peering at the superhero.    
  
"Good evening Mr Payne, I've been expecting you."   
  
Liam sighs. "That's Bond, Zayn, not superheroes. Plus, I sound  _evil_  when you say my name like that."   
  
Zayn stands up from the chair, laughing a little and goes to hug his best mate. "Not my fault you have one of the most ironic superhero names, Li."   
  
All but collapsing into the hug, Liam smells slightly of smoke and petrol fumes. Zayn keeps his arm around Liam anyway.    
  
"Told you already, 'm not a superhero. I just like to help out."   
  
Zayn pulls back to look Liam in the eye. "Liam, correct me if I'm wrong here, but you have powers beyond the norm, yes? Super strength? Super speed? Ability to fly? Any of this sound familiar?"   
  
Liam grunts.    
  
"You also, if I recall correctly, heal at four times the speed of a normal person and  _were not born on Earth_ . Sounds pretty superhero-y to me."   
  
He loosens his grip on Liam's shoulders and directs his friend to sit down in the chair.   
  
"Now tell me about your day, okay?" Zayn says as he props himself up on the desk.   
  
"What can I say?" Liam sighs. "It's the same as always. I go out to go to work and then at midday or eleven or ten in the morning I get a call from Simon saying Niall's spotted another burglary. I turn up to find Louis bloody Tomlinson spray painting his name across the broken front window and that Harry kid tugging him away."   
  
Zayn laughs. "Louis  _bloody_  Tomlinson is he now? Since when did you find out his full name?"   
  
"It's always been on file, Zayn."   
  
At Zayn's look, Liam sighs again. He seems to sigh a lot, but Zayn pretends it's his bad lungs and not frustration at Zayn.   
  
"We have files on  _every_  supervillian in this town."   
  
"All two of them, and I bet you read through Louis' more" Zayn retorts and in that moment, he's so glad Liam swore never to use his powers for evil, because the glare he's getting from Liam is more than enough.   
  
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" Zayn says, and Liam just huffs in response.   
  
"I know you don't even check Harry's!" And with that cheeky remark, Zayn' hops off the desk, intent to reach the living room before Liam can tackle him and tickle Zayn to death.   
  
-   
  
"I'm loving the new look, Tommo!" Niall calls out as they pull up to the abandoned warehouse (and what is it with this town and all its conveniently empty blocks of land). "Pink is really your thing!"   
  
"Glad to see that the braces are still working out for you, Horan!" Louis' voice comes back distant and distorted by the megaphone he's using. "Where's your precious Liam? Too chicken to face me today?"   
  
Liam steps out of the car at that, already clad in his body suit. At one point, he'd begged Simon to let him wear jeans and a tee for his outfit, but his boss had drawn up charts about how superheroes in costume helped boost city morale and Liam had caved. Still, he thinks as he pulls at the wedgie he's got, at least it's not the green monstrosity that Niall had to pull on every morning. Sometimes Liam thinks the blue even suits him, but it stains so easily.   
  
"In your dreams Louis! I'm here to capture you, once and for all!"   
  
"Well, if that's how you want to play it," Louis says and he has the nerve to wink at Liam. "I'm happy to play prisoner for that kind of thing."   
  
The hero flushes at that, a pink that threatens to rival Louis' new top. "Not what I meant! Now surrender up the machine!"   
  
"What, you mean this old thing?" Louis bends over to pick up the Maximising Ray that Aiden, their resident scientist, had been working on. Liam refrains from making any comments about it already having been used on Louis' arse, but Niall catches his looking anyway and hits him.   
  
"Stick to the task," his sidekick hisses.    
  
Liam clears his throat. "Just give it up, Tomlinson. We've got the upper hand here. Two against one, so just put the gun down and we'll sort this out nicely."   
  
"Ha, fat chance," says Louis and points the ray at a pile of dust at the warehouse entrance. Pulling his mask down and being thankful that Harry apparently had  _some_  sense in costume design, Louis creates the mother of all dust piles and whistles to signal that Harry should turn the fans on.   
  
The room is filled with a dust storm, sudden but effective, and in the confusion, Liam feels someone tuck a note into the back of his suit and give his arse a quick squeeze.   
  
The dust settles after a while, and Liam is coughing his lungs out and trying to find Niall at the same time.   
  
"Niall, you okay?" His voice is raspy and choked with dust.   
  
From behind some boxes, he hears a  _yeah_  and waits as the boy stands up and brushes himself off.   
  
"Managed to avoid the brunt of it by standing behind these conveniently placed boxes."   
  
Liam nods tightly and scopes out the warehouse. Someone has clearly been staying here, but the place is empty now.   
  
"They've gone," Niall says, and Liam nods again. "But don't worry, Li, I'm sure well catch them some time."   
  
"I hope so, Niall. I really do."   
  
-   
  
If Zayn looks through Liam's file on Louis Tomlinson while he's out buying milk for their shared flat, well. It's just him looking out for Liam. At least, that's how he justifies it to Niall, who was apparently about to use Liam's computer to check when the next superhero meeting is.   
  
"Sure," Niall nods. "I believe you."   
  
"I  _am_  looking out for him," Zayn insists and he waves the file around in his hands. "Besides, he said himself that there's nothing in here he wouldn't show Simon."   
  
"And are you Simon?" Niall asks.   
  
"...I could be."   
  
Zayn earns himself a look from that, something like amusement or disbelief, but either way, Niall jerks his head as if to say  _go on then_ , and Zayn opens the file.   
  
He really doesn't know what he was expecting, maybe an FBI file on Louis or some sort of collage made of magazine photos as if Louis were a teen heartthrob. Zayn certainly wasn't expecting the file to be full of scribbled notes and paper. It's not Liam's handwriting either, is the thing, and when he actually skims the top piece of paper, his eyes widen in surprise.   
  
Niall is impatient, apparently, and prods Zayn with his finger. "Well? What is it?"   
  
Zayn doesn't know whether to laugh or go running to Simon, but he picks up the note in any case and shows it to Niall.   
  
On the top of paper is Louis' letter head, proclaiming him  _Supervillain Extraordinaire_ , but the actual message is in a loose scrawl.   
  
_Dinner tomorrow, at six?_  and a sign off that's two Xs and a smile.   
  
"I think Liam's been keeping something from us."


End file.
